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YO MOMMA...

Yo mamma so fat you have to roll over twice to get off her...

Yo mamma so skinny, she hang glides with a Dorito

Yo mamma so stupid, she thinks menopause is a button

Yo momma aint so bad...she would give you the hair off of her back!

Yo momma arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear.

Yo momma breath smell so bad when she yawns her teeth duck.

Yo momma cross-eyed and watches TV in stereo.

Yo momma feet are so big her shoes have to have license plates!

Yo momma got a bald head with a part and sideburns.

Yo momma got a metal afro with rusty sideburns.

Yo momma got a wooden leg with a kickstand on it.

Yo momma got a wooden leg with branches.

Yo momma got a' afro, wit' a chin strap!!!!

Yo momma got so many freckles she looks like a hamburger!

Yo momma got so many teeth missing, it looks like her tounge is in jail.

Yo momma got three fingers and a banjo.

Yo momma got two wooden legs and one is one backward.

Yo momma gums are so black she spits Yoo-hoo.

Yo momma hair so nappy she has to take Tylenol just to comb it.

Yo momma hair so short she curls it with rice.

Yo momma hair so short when she braided it they looked like stiches.

Yo momma has 10 fingers--all on the same hand.

Yo momma has 4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses.

Yo momma has a 'fro with warning lights.

Yo momma has a glass eye with a fish in it.

Yo momma has a short arm and can't applaude.

Yo momma has a short leg and walks in circles.

Yo momma has a wooden afro with an "X" carved in the back.

Yo momma has an afro with a chin strap.

Yo momma has green hair and thinks she's a tree.

Yo momma has one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what you're saying.

Yo momma has one hand and a Clapper.

Yo momma has one leg and a bicycle.

Yo momma has so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it.

Yo momma head so big it shows up on radar.

Yo momma head so big she has to step into her shirts.

Yo momma head so small she use a tea-bag as a pillow.

Yo momma head so small that she got her ear pierced and died.

Yo momma hips are so big, people set their drinks on them.

Yo momma house so dirty roaches ride around on dune buggies!

Yo momma house so dirty she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.

Yo momma house so small she has to go outside to eat a large pizza.

Yo momma house so small that when she orders a large pizza she had to go outside to eat it.

Yo momma house so small you have to go outside to change your mind.

Yo momma in a wheelchair and says, "You ain't gonna puch me 'round no more."

Yo momma is missing a finger and can't count past 9.

Yo momma like Domino's pizza-- Something for nothing

Yo momma like Orange Crush: "Good Vibrations!"

Yo momma like a T.V. set, even a three year old can turn her on!

Yo momma like a Toyota: "Oh what a feelin'!"

Yo momma like a bowling ball. She's picked up, fingered, and then thrown in the gutter.

Yo momma like a bubble-gum machine... five cents a blow.

Yo momma like a bus, fifty cents and she's ready to ride!

Yo momma like a bus: Guys climb on and off her all day long.

Yo momma like a doorknob - everyone gets a turn!

Yo momma like a doorknob, everyone gets a turn!

Yo momma like a golf course, everyone GETS a hole in one!

Yo momma like a hardware store: 4 cents a screw!

Yo momma like a refridgerator: everyone likes to put their meat in her!

Yo momma like a rifle... four cocks and she's loaded.

Yo momma like a screen door, after a couple bangs she tends to loosen up!

Yo momma like a shotgun: one cock and she blows!

Yo momma like a tomato source bottle, everyone gets a squeeze out of her!

Yo momma like a vaccuum cleaner.....a real good suck.

Yo momma like cake mix, 15 servings per package!

Yo momma like chinese food: sweet, sour and cheap!

Yo momma like potato chips-- Fri-to Lay

Yo momma like the pillbury doughboy - everyone gets a poke!

Yo momma like the railway system, she gets laid all over the country!

Yo momma lips so big, Chap Stick had to invent a spray.

Yo momma middle name is Rambo.

Yo momma mouth so big, she speaks in surround sound.

Yo momma nose so big she makes Pinochio look like a cat!

Yo momma nose so big you can go bowling with her boogers!

Yo momma rouchy, the McDonalds she works in doesn't even serve Happy Meals.

Yo momma so bald even a wig wouldn't help!

Yo momma so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed.

Yo momma so bald you can see whats on her mind Yo momma so clumsy she got tangled up in a cordless phone.

Yo momma so dark she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie Rolls to keep from eating her fingers.

Yo momma so dark she spits chocolate milk!

Yo momma so dark she went to night school and was marked absent!

Yo momma so dark she went to night school and was marked absent.

Yo momma so dark that she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.

Yo momma so dirty she has to creep up on bathwater.

Yo momma so fat God couldn't light Earth till she moved!

Yo momma so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the bitches good side!

Yo momma so fat I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas.

Yo momma so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!

Yo momma so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!

Yo momma so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!

Yo momma so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!

Yo momma so fat her college graduation picture was an airial.

Yo momma so fat her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky!

Yo momma so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!

Yo momma so fat her nickname is "DAMN" Yo momma so fat it takes her two trips to haul ass

Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise

Yo momma so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.

Yo momma so fat she broke her leg and gravy fell out.

Yo momma so fat she broke her leg and gravy poured out

Yo momma so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!

Yo momma so fat she cant reach her back pocket.

Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.

Yo momma so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!

Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it!

Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it.

Yo momma so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"

Yo momma so fat she got hit by a parked car!

Yo momma so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway

Yo momma so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway!

Yo momma so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets

Yo momma so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized

Yo momma so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans!

Yo momma so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!

Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors

Yo momma so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.

Yo momma so fat she has to iron her clothes in the driveway.

Yo momma so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper!

Yo momma so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl.

Yo momma so fat she influences the tides.

Yo momma so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck.

Yo momma so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck!

Yo momma so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.

Yo momma so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy

Yo momma so fat she lays on the beach and greenpeace tried to push her back in the water

Yo momma so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.

Yo momma so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!

Yo momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller

Yo momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller!

Yo momma so fat she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.

Yo momma so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!

Yo momma so fat she sat on a dollar and squeezed a booger out George Washington's nose.

Yo momma so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of george washington's nose.

Yo momma so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!

Yo momma so fat she stands in two time zones.

Yo momma so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.

Yo momma so fat she steps on a scale & it goes one at a time please

Yo momma so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.

Yo momma so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth

Yo momma so fat she wakes up in sections!

Yo momma so fat she was baptised in the ocean.

Yo momma so fat she was baptized at Marine World.

Yo momma so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for then new world

Yo momma so fat she was mistaken for God's bowling ball!

Yo momma so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg.

Yo momma so fat she's got her own area code!

Yo momma so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!

Yo momma so fat she's on both sides of the family!

Yo momma so fat shes on both sides of the family.

Yo momma so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views!

Yo momma so fat that she cant tie her own shoes.

Yo momma so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, the bitch caused an eclipse.

Yo momma so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.

Yo momma so fat that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips!

Yo momma so fat that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean.....

Yo momma so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.

Yo momma so fat the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her

Yo momma so fat the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts!!!

Yo momma so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.

Yo momma so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures

Yo momma so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.

Yo momma so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.

Yo momma so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up

Yo momma so fat when she back up she beep.

Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps she pulls down the bridge too

Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too

Yo momma so fat when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell!

Yo momma so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.

Yo momma so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.

Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.

Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.

Yo momma so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!

Yo momma so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"

Yo momma so fat when she has sex, she has to give directions!

Yo momma so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!!

Yo momma so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!

Yo momma so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...

Yo momma so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearin tights!

Yo momma so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!

Yo momma so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.

Yo momma so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!

Yo momma so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"

Yo momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave she landed on 12th

Yo momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th

Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat people say "Taxi!"

Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"

Yo momma so fat when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her back!

Yo momma so fat when the bitch goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.

Yo momma so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.

Yo momma so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!

Yo momma so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!

Yo momma so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through

Yo momma so fat you have to roll her ass in flour and look for the wet spot to fuck her!

Yo momma so flat she's jealous of the wall!

Yo momma so greasy Texaco buys Oil from her

Yo momma so greasy she sweats Crisco!

Yo momma so greasy she used bacon as a band-aid!

Yo momma so hairy Bigfoot is taking her picture!

Yo momma so hairy she look like she got Buchwheat in a headlock.

Yo momma so hairy she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan.

Yo momma so hairy she's got afros on her nipples!

Yo momma so hairy you almost died of rugburn at birth!

Yo momma so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.

Yo momma so nasty I called her for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection.

Yo momma so nasty Ozzie Ozbourne refused to bite her head off

Yo momma so nasty She gotta put ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh!

Yo momma so nasty she brings crabs to the beach

Yo momma so nasty she has to creep up on bathwater.

Yo momma so nasty she made right guard turn left.

Yo momma so nasty she made speed stick slow down.

Yo momma so nasty that her shit is glad to escape.

Yo momma so nasty that pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh.

Yo momma so nasty the fishery be paying her to leave

Yo momma so nasty when she goes to a hair salon, she told the stylist to cut her hair and she opened up her shirt

Yo momma so old I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died.

Yo momma so old and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, "Li'l Mary will never amount to anything".

Yo momma so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

Yo momma so old her birth certificate says expired on it.

Yo momma so old her social security number is 1!

Yo momma so old she has Jesus' beeper number!

Yo momma so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

Yo momma so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

Yo momma so old she owes Jesus 3 bucks!

Yo momma so old she owes Jesus a nickel.

Yo momma so old she ran track with dinosaurs.

Yo momma so old she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.

Yo momma so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

Yo momma so old she's in Jesus's yearbook!

Yo momma so old that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch'

Yo momma so old that when she was in school there was no history class.

Yo momma so old when God said "Let their be light", she flipped the switch.

Yo momma so poor her face is on the front of a foodstamp.

Yo momma so poor she can't afford to pay attention!

Yo momma so poor she drives a peanut.

Yo momma so poor she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's fingers.

Yo momma so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."

Yo momma so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.

Yo momma so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.

Yo momma so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!

Yo momma so poor when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"

Yo momma so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."

Yo momma so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!!!

Yo momma so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.

Yo momma so short she can play handball on the curb.

Yo momma so short she does backflips under the bed.

Yo momma so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.

Yo momma so short she models for trophys.

Yo momma so short she poses for trophies!

Yo momma so short you can see her feet on her drivers lisence!

Yo momma so skinny she has to wear a belt with spandex.

Yo momma so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio

Yo momma so skinny she turned sideways and dissapeared.

Yo momma so slutty I fucked her and I's a chick!

Yo momma so slutty she blind and seeing another man.

Yo momma so slutty she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch ball!

Yo momma so slutty she could suck-start a Harley!

Yo momma so slutty she had her own "Hands across her ass" charity drive

Yo momma so slutty she was on the cover of wheaties, with her legs open, and it said "breakfast of the champs"

Yo momma so slutty that I could've been your daddy, but the guy in line behind me had the correct change.

Yo momma so slutty that when she heard Santa Claus say HO HO HO she thought she was getting it three times.

Yo momma so slutty when she got a new mini skirt, everyone commented on her nice belt!

Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!

Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes

Yo momma so stupid she asked you "What is the number for 911"

Yo momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!

Yo momma so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home.

Yo momma so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.

Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!

Yo momma so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.

Yo momma so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl

Yo momma so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.

Yo momma so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.

Yo momma so stupid she put lipstick on her forehead, talking about she was trying to makeup her mind.

Yo momma so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.

Yo momma so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!

Yo momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!

Yo momma so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.

Yo momma so stupid she stole free bread.

Yo momma so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!

Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterbacks a refund!

Yo momma so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.

Yo momma so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.

Yo momma so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read

Yo momma so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.

Yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Yo momma so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.

Yo momma so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.

Yo momma so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.

Yo momma so stupid she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.

Yo momma so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind

Yo momma so stupid that she sold the car for gas money.

Yo momma so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!

Yo momma so stupid that under "Education" on her job apllication, she put "Hooked on Phonics."

Yo momma so stupid was born on Independence Day and can't remember her birthday.

Yo momma so stupid when asked on an application, "Sex?", she marked, "M, F and sometimes Wednesday too."

Yo momma so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K."

Yo momma so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends

Yo momma so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.

Yo momma so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!

Yo momma so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon

Yo momma so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!

Yo momma so supid she could trip over a cordless phone!

Yo momma so tall she did a back-flip and kicked Jesus in the mouth.

Yo momma so tall she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.

Yo momma so tall she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.

Yo momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

Yo momma so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn't date her!

Yo momma so ugly The NHL banned her for life

Yo momma so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!

Yo momma so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!

Yo momma so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her

Yo momma so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Yo momma so ugly if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects!

Yo momma so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck

Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."

Yo momma so ugly people go as her for Halloween.

Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween!

Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

Yo momma so ugly she had to get her baby drunk to breastfeed it!

Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!

Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.

Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry!

Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry.

Yo momma so ugly she scares the roaches away.

Yo momma so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!

Yo momma so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!

Yo momma so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.

Yo momma so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.

Yo momma so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

Yo momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday!

Yo momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.

Yo momma so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

Yo momma so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower

Yo momma so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower!

Yo momma so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints

Yo momma so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.

Yo momma so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.

Yo momma so ugly they put her in dough and made monster cookies!

Yo momma so ugly we have to tie a steak around your neck so the dog will play with her!

Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

Yo momma so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Damn, is it Halloween already?"

Yo momma so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras

Yo momma so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote!

Yo momma so wrinkled, she has to screw her hat on.

Yo momma teeth are so rotten, when she smiles they look like dice.

Yo momma teeth are so yellow she spits butter!

Yo momma teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when she smiles!

Yo momma twice the man you are.

Yo momma wears knee-pads and yells "Curb Service!"

Yo momma's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.

Yo momma's glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.

Yo momma's glasses are so thick, she could read my mind!

Yo' daddy has to stick his d*ck in the freezer to get hard!

Yo' daddy suffers from d*ck-do disease...his stomach hangs out farther than his d*ck do!

Yo' daddy's d*ck is so small, he makes yo' momma look hung!

Yo' daddy's d*ck is so small, he'd been f*cking yo' momma for an hour and she asked if it was in yet.

Yo' daddy's like an arcade game, give him a quarter, and you can play with his joystick!

Yo' daddy's like cement, takes him two days to get hard!

Yo' daddy's so fat, even his dick has rolls!

Yo' daddy's so lame, when his wife says, "Give me ten inches and make it hurt!" he does her three times and puts a vice on her head!

Yo' daddy's so ugly, his own hand turns him down!

Yo' daddy's so ugly, that's not a receding hair line, that's his hair running away from his face!

Yo' family's so dark, when they hold hands, they look like a stretch limo!

Yo' momma ain't got no arms, talkin' 'bout "I'm hangin' in there!"

Yo' momma ain't got no ears, talkin' 'bout "I hear ya!"

Yo' momma ain't got no eyes, talkin' 'bout "I see what you mean!"

Yo' momma ain't got no fingers, talking about how she's pressing charges!

Yo' momma ain't got no legs, talkin' 'bout how she's gonna run for president!

Yo' momma ain't got no legs, talkin' 'bout how she's running things!

Yo' momma ain't so bad...she would give you the hair off of her back!

Yo' momma got a bald head with a part and sideburns!

Yo' momma got a metal afro with rusty sideburns!

Yo' momma got a wooden leg with a real foot!

Yo' momma got a wooden leg with branches!

Yo' momma got so many teeth missing it looks like her tongue is in jail!

Yo' momma got three teeth...one in her mouth and two in her pocket!

Yo' momma got two wooden legs and one is on backward!

Yo' momma has a `fro with landing lights!

Yo' momma has a glass eye with a fish in it!

Yo' momma has a short leg and walks in circles!

Yo' momma has a wooden afro with an 'X' carved in the back!

Yo' momma has an afro with a chin strap!

Yo' momma has four eyes and two pairs of sunglasses!

Yo' momma has green hair and thinks she's a tree!

Yo' momma has no neck and says "I'm the head of this family!"

Yo' momma has one arm and when she fights, the announcer says, "She throws a right, a right, and another right!"

Yo' momma has one leg and says "I'll kick yo' ass!"

Yo' momma has so much wax in her ears, I stuck a Q-Tip in and pulled out a crayon!

Yo' momma has ten fingers - all on the same hand!

Yo' momma is so bad, when she got called for jury duty, she was found guilty!

Yo' momma is so fat, when she sits in a chair, the rolls on her legs cover her feet like a blanket!

Yo' momma is so fat, when she walks down the street in a green dress, everybody yells, "Run for your lives! It's GODZILLA!"

Yo' momma is so ugly, her face could stop a sun dial!

Yo' momma is so ugly, her face is registered as a biological weapon!

Yo' momma lost at hide n' seek when I spotted her behind the Himalayas!

Yo' momma reminds me of a toilet: short, white, and smells like sh*t!

Yo' momma sits in a wheelchair and says "I ain't gonna stand for this!"

Yo' momma talks on the phone so much, it's even busy when I dial the wrong number!

Yo' momma threw a frisbee three weeks ago that hasn't landed yet!

Yo' momma was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage!"

Yo' momma' so fat, she's moving the Earth out of its orbit!

Yo' momma's arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear!

Yo' momma's blind and seeing another man!

Yo' momma's brain is so small, if you stuffed it up an ant's butt, it would still rattle like a BB in a tin can!

Yo' momma's brain is so small, quarks beat up on it!

Yo' momma's breasts are so square, the milk comes out in cartons!

Yo' momma's breath is so bad, her mouth needs odor eaters!

Yo' momma's breath is so bad, people on the phone hang up!

Yo' momma's breath is so bad, we don't know whether she needs gum or toilet paper!

Yo' momma's breath is so bad, when she talks, her nose hairs fall out!

Yo' momma's breath is so bad, when she yawns, her teeth duck!

Yo' momma's breath is so stank, Crest and Colgate got a warrant for her arrest!

Yo' momma's breath's so bad, 9 out of 10 dentists recommend that she rinse with Summer's Eve!

Yo' momma's breath's so bad, when she wakes up in the morning, the mirror brushes its teeth!

Yo' momma's butt is so big, she has more crack than New Jersey!

Yo' momma's butt is so big, she has to shit in a dumpster!

Yo' momma's butt is so bony, she put her drawers on and cut them in two!

Yo' momma's car's so ugly, someone broke in just to steal The Club!

Yo' momma's drawers are so nasty, the roaches check in, but they don't check out!

Yo' momma's ears are so big, she can hear sign language!

Yo' momma's ears are so big, she can hear what I'm thinking!

Yo' momma's ears are so big, she drives the freeways by sonar!

Yo' momma's feet are so ashy, it looks like she kicks flour for a living!

Yo' momma's feet are so big, Bozo's envious!

Yo' momma's feet are so big, her shoes gotta have license plates on 'em!

Yo' momma's feet are so big, she was the landlord of the old woman who lived in a shoe!

Yo' momma's feet are so nasty, when she wants jam, she gets someone to run a loaf of bread between her toes!

Yo' momma's forehead's so big, you could show slides on it!

Yo' momma's glasses are so thick, when she looks at a map, she can see people waving!

Yo' momma's got a four dollar weave and don't know when to leave!

Yo' momma's got a wooden leg with a kick stand and has to nail her stockings up!

Yo' momma's got eyes in her butt, talking about "D*mn, did you see that sh*t?!"

Yo' momma's got hair on her tongue and she gargles with curl activator!

Yo' momma's got more weave than a dog in traffic!

Yo' momma's got no fingers talking 'bout wanting to be with the Pointer sisters!

Yo' momma's got no left eye, and she's talkin' 'bout "Make this left!"

Yo' momma's got no legs and always talking about how she kicks ass!

Yo' momma's got one ear, talking 'bout she wants to hear both sides of the story!

Yo' momma's got one eye, one leg, one arm and one knee and they call her 'Uno'!

Yo' momma's got one leg and people call her 'Ilene'!

Yo' momma's got one leg longer than other and they call her call her 'hip hop'!

Yo' momma's got one leg, talkin' 'bout "Ain't no half steppin'!"

Yo' momma's got one toe and one knee and they call her 'Tony'!

Yo' momma's got snake skin teeth!

Yo' momma's got so many gaps in her teeth, it looks like piano keys!

Yo' momma's got so many rings around her belly, she screws her underwear on!

Yo' momma's got three fingers, talkin' 'bout "Gimme five!"

Yo' momma's got three toes and three knees and they call her 'Toni Tone Tony'!

Yo' momma's hair has so much mousse in it, it could deflect bullets!

Yo' momma's hair is so nappy, even Moses couldn't part it!

Yo' momma's hair is so nappy, her comb had to get dentures!

Yo' momma's hair is so nappy, she has to take Tylenol just to comb it!

Yo' momma's hair is so nappy, when she combs her hair, her teeth bleed!

Yo' momma's hair is so short, she curls it with rice!

Yo' momma's hair is so short, when she braided it, they looked like stitches!

Yo' momma's has no ears... I seen her trying on sunglasses...!

Yo' momma's head is so big she has to step into her shirts!

Yo' momma's head is so big, it shows up on radar!

Yo' momma's head is so big, she has to wash her hair at Niagra Falls!

Yo' momma's head is so small, she could wear fruit loops as head rags!

Yo' momma's head is so small, she got her ear pierced and died!

Yo' momma's head is so small, she use a tea-bag as a pillow!

Yo' momma's house has roaches so big, the termites have to carry switchblades!

Yo' momma's house is so dusty, the roaches ride around on dune buggies!

Yo' momma's house is so nasty, I tripped over a rat, and a cockroach stole my wallet!

Yo' momma's house is so nasty, even the cockroaches wear slippers!

Yo' momma's house is so poor, they tore it down and put up a slum!

Yo' momma's house is so small, I put a key in the door lock and broke a window!

Yo' momma's house is so small, I walked in the front door and tripped over the back fence!

Yo' momma's house is so small, if I stuck a key in the door, I'd stab three people!

Yo' momma's house is so small, she dropped a washcloth and you had instant carpeting!

Yo' momma's house is so small, the roaches got hunchback!

Yo' momma's house is so small, the welcome mat just says wel...!

Yo' momma's legs are so hairy, if she had fur coat and a banana, they'd stick her back in the zoo!

Yo' momma's lips are so big, ChapStick had to invent a spray!

Yo' momma's lips are so big, she needs a kick stand to hold them up!

Yo' momma's lips are so big, she puts on her lipstick with a paint-roller!

Yo' momma's lips are so big, when she smiles, her hair gets wet!

Yo' momma's mass is so great that she has her own event horizon!

Yo' momma's mass is so infinite that she's a singularity!

Yo' momma's maxi pad is so thick, she could bend over and deflect bullets!

Yo' momma's middle name is Rambo!

Yo' momma's mouth is so big, she speaks in surround sound!

Yo' momma's nose is so big, she makes Pinocchio look like a cat!

Yo' momma's nose is so big, she needs a screen on it to keep from sucking small children in!

Yo' momma's so bald, I can read her mind!

Yo' momma's so bald, even a wig wouldn't help!

Yo' momma's so bald, she took a shower and got brainwashed!

Yo' momma's so bald, when she goes to sleep, her head keeps slipping off the pillow!

Yo' momma's so bald, when she puts on a turtle neck, she looks like a roll on deodorant!

Yo' momma's so bald, you can see what's on her mind!

Yo' momma's so black, she goes to a funeral naked, and no one notices!

Yo' momma's so blind, she dropped a dime and picked up two nickels!

Yo' momma's so blind, she has one of her eyes stuck up her ass and she still can't see shit!

Yo' momma's so bucktoothed, she can eat corn-on-the-cob through a picket fence!

Yo' momma's so cross-eyed, she thought her only child was a twin!

Yo' momma's so cross-eyed, she watches TV in stereo!

Yo' momma's so dark, a piece of coal makes a white mark on her!

Yo' momma's so dark, if she sat in a jacuzzi, the water would turn into coffee!

Yo' momma's so dark, if they put her in a bottle, she'd be a Pepsi!

Yo' momma's so dark, she bleeds smoke!

Yo' momma's so dark, she drinks water and pees coffee!

Yo' momma's so dark, she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie Rolls to keep from eating her fingers!

Yo' momma's so dark, she leaves fingerprints on charcoal!

Yo' momma's so dark, she went to night school and was marked absent!

Yo' momma's so dark, that lightening bugs follow her in the daytime!

Yo' momma's so dark, the police shot at her, and the bullets came back for flashlights!

Yo' momma's so dark, they die bowling balls in her bath water!

Yo' momma's so dark, they made a movie of her heart transplant called "From the darkest heart of Africa"!

Yo' momma's so dark, when people refer to darkness coming in the future, they refer to her next visit!

Yo' momma's so dark, when she gets out of the car, the oil light comes on!

Yo' momma's so dark, when she puts lotion on her legs, it looks like she has on leather pants!

Yo' momma's so dark, when she sits in a hot tub, she makes tea!

Yo' momma's so fat 'n dark, she jumped in the ocean and they thought she was an oil spill!

Yo' momma's so fat and black, when she goes skydiving she turns day into night!

Yo' momma's so fat and her back so crooked, when she lays down, people say "I didn't know we had mountains!"

Yo' momma's so fat and stupid, her waist size is larger than her I.Q.!

Yo' momma's so fat that when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks!

Yo' momma's so fat, "Place Your Ad Here" is printed on each of her butt cheeks!

Yo' momma's so fat, Dr. Martens had to kill three cows just to make her a pair of shoes!

Yo' momma's so fat, I gain weight just by watching her eat!

Yo' momma's so fat, I gotta take three steps back just to see all of her!

Yo' momma's so fat, I have to take a plane, a train, and an automobile just to get on her good side!

Yo' momma's so fat, I kept trying to leave her, but I couldn't escape her gravitational pull!

Yo' momma's so fat, I ran around her twice and got lost!

Yo' momma's so fat, McDonald's has to change their sign every time she eats there!

Yo' momma's so fat, NASA orbits a satellite around her!

Yo' momma's so fat, Neil Armstrong landed on her in 1969!

Yo' momma's so fat, Thanksgiving Day, she ate dinner for six hours, then said, "I am going to walk this meal off." I said, "Call me

when you get to Brazil!"

Yo' momma's so fat, all the chairs in her house have seat belts!

Yo' momma's so fat, at the zoo, the elephants started throwing HER peanuts!

Yo' momma's so fat, cars run out of gas before passing her fat *ss!

Yo' momma's so fat, even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!

Yo' momma's so fat, even her clothes have stretch marks!

Yo' momma's so fat, every time she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!

Yo' momma's so fat, her *ss has its own congressman!

Yo' momma's so fat, her belly jiggle is the first perpetual motion machine!

Yo' momma's so fat, her belly-button's got an echo!

Yo' momma's so fat, her butt looks like two pigs fighting over a Hershey Kiss!

Yo' momma's so fat, her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard!

Yo' momma's so fat, her doctor's a grounds keeper!

Yo' momma's so fat, her legs are like spoiled milk - white and chunky!

Yo' momma's so fat, her navel gets home 15 minutes before she does!

Yo' momma's so fat, her nickname is "DAMN!"

Yo' momma's so fat, her nickname is the Badyear Blimp!

Yo' momma's so fat, her picture fell off the wall!

Yo' momma's so fat, her senior pictures had to be aerial views!

Yo' momma's so fat, her shoes have to have license plates!

Yo' momma's so fat, if she put her hand on her hip, she would look like a gallon of milk!

Yo' momma's so fat, if she was a super hero, she would be the Incredible Bulk!

Yo' momma's so fat, if she was two feet taller, she'd be spherical!

Yo' momma's so fat, if she wears fish-net stockings, they'd better be fifty pound test!

Yo' momma's so fat, if she weighed five more pounds, she could get group insurance!

Yo' momma's so fat, if she were an airplane, she'd be a jumbo jet!

Yo' momma's so fat, in school when she stood up and turned around, she would erase all the black-boards in the room!

Yo' momma's so fat, instead of Levi's 501 jeans, she wears Levi's 1002's!

Yo' momma's so fat, it say on her driver's license "Picture continued on back."

Yo' momma's so fat, it took God one day to create the earth and five days to create yo' momma!

Yo' momma's so fat, people jog around her for exercise!

Yo' momma's so fat, people use her dandruff as quilts!

Yo' momma's so fat, she bumps into people even when she's sitting down!

Yo' momma's so fat, she bungee jumped and went straight to hell!

Yo' momma's so fat, she can kick start a 747!

Yo' momma's so fat, she can lay down and stand up, and her height doesn't change!

Yo' momma's so fat, she can smell bacon frying in Canada!

Yo' momma's so fat, she can't even jump to a conclusion!

Yo' momma's so fat, she can't stay on a basketball court for three seconds without getting called for a key violation!

Yo' momma's so fat, she can't wear Daisy Dukes - she has to wear Boss Hoggs!

Yo' momma's so fat, she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step!

Yo' momma's so fat, she could sell shade!

Yo' momma's so fat, she doesn't sit, she spreads!

Yo' momma's so fat, she don't have cellulite, she has celluHEAVY!

Yo' momma's so fat, she don't know whether she's walking or rolling!

Yo' momma's so fat, she don't take pictures, she takes posters!

Yo' momma's so fat, she eats Wheat *Thicks*!

Yo' momma's so fat, she fell in love and broke it!

Yo' momma's so fat, she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-g*d-it's-coming-towards-us!

Yo' momma's so fat, she gets her dresses made by Barnum and Bailey!

Yo' momma's so fat, she gets stuck in her dreams!

Yo' momma's so fat, she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu and says, "Okay!"

Yo' momma's so fat, she got a ticket for going the wrong way down a one way street when she was walking!

Yo' momma's so fat, she got hit by a car and the car sued for damages!

Yo' momma's so fat, she had her ears pierced with a harpoon!

Yo' momma's so fat, she had to go to Sea World to get baptized!

Yo' momma's so fat, she has 48 midnight snacks!

Yo' momma's so fat, she has a refrigerator strapped to her waist, and it looks like a pager!

Yo' momma's so fat, she has a wooden leg with a kick stand!

Yo' momma's so fat, she has her own asteroid belt!

Yo' momma's so fat, she has her own brand of jeans: FA - Fat *ss Jeans!

Yo' momma's so fat, she has more nooks and crannies than Thomas' English Muffin!

Yo' momma's so fat, she has to be fed by slingshot!

Yo' momma's so fat, she has to buy two plane tickets, and she doesn't even notice the armrest!

Yo' momma's so fat, she has to grease her hands to get into her pockets!

Yo' momma's so fat, she has to sleep in the barn with the rest of the cows!

Yo' momma's so fat, she has to use a VCR as a beeper!

Yo' momma's so fat, she has to wear a hat with a blinking red light to scare off the airplanes

Yo' momma's so fat, she hula-hooped the super bowl!

Yo' momma's so fat, she jumped in the ocean, and the whales started singing, "We are family!"

Yo' momma's so fat, she keeps her extra change in one of her folds!

Yo' momma's so fat, she left the house in high heels and when she came back, she had on flip flops!

Yo' momma's so fat, she lives in two time zones - supper time and dinner time!

Yo' momma's so fat, she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!

Yo' momma's so fat, she looks like the Stay-Puff marshmallow man on steroids!

Yo' momma's so fat, she made Richard Simmons cry!

Yo' momma's so fat, she makes Big Bird look like a rubber duck!

Yo' momma's so fat, she makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic!

Yo' momma's so fat, she measures 36-24-36, and the other arm is just as big!

Yo' momma's so fat, she needs to use a boomerang to scratch her fat *ss!

Yo' momma's so fat, she pays taxes in three countries!

Yo' momma's so fat, she plays pool with the planets!

Yo' momma's so fat, she put on a gray dress, and an admiral boarded her!

Yo' momma's so fat, she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist, they spelled out "boulevard!"

Yo' momma's so fat, she puts mayonnaise on aspirin!

Yo' momma's so fat, she rolled over four quarters and it made a dollar!

Yo' momma's so fat, she roller skates on busses!

Yo' momma's so fat, she runs on diesel!

Yo' momma's so fat, she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!

Yo' momma's so fat, she sat on the corner and the police came and said, "Break it up!"

Yo' momma's so fat, she says her job title is Spoon and Fork Operator!

Yo' momma's so fat, she sets off car alarms when she runs!

Yo' momma's so fat, she shops for clothes in the local tent shop!

Yo' momma's so fat, she stepped on a talking scale and it said, "Please step out of the car!"

Yo' momma's so fat, she stepped on a talking scale and it told her to get the fuck off!

Yo' momma's so fat, she thinks a balanced meal is a ham in each hand!

Yo' momma's so fat, she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out!

Yo' momma's so fat, she uses a basketball as a hackey sack!

Yo' momma's so fat, she uses bowling balls for earrings!

Yo' momma's so fat, she uses the carpet as a blanket!

Yo' momma's so fat, she uses the freeway as a slip 'n slide!

Yo' momma's so fat, she uses the swimming pool as a toilet!

Yo' momma's so fat, she walked in front of the TV, and I missed three commercials!

Yo' momma's so fat, she was Miss Arizona -- class Battleship!

Yo' momma's so fat, she was born on the 4th, 5th and 6th of March!

Yo' momma's so fat, she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth!

Yo' momma's so fat, she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for their new world!

Yo' momma's so fat, she was kidnapped by a cannibal tribe, and they all died of cholesterol!

Yo' momma's so fat, she was lifting up her rolls, and a car fell out!

Yo' momma's so fat, she was standing at a corner and the cops came over and said, "Hey! Break it up!"

Yo' momma's so fat, she was stopped by police dogs at the airport for having 300 lbs of crack under her dress!

Yo' momma's so fat, she wears a microwave for a beeper!

Yo' momma's so fat, she wears pillow cases for socks and hula hoops to hold them up!

Yo' momma's so fat, she went on a light diet...as soon as it's light, she starts eating!

Yo' momma's so fat, she went on a seafood diet...whenever she saw food, she ate it!

Yo' momma's so fat, she went to the salad bar and pulled up a chair!

Yo' momma's so fat, she won Miss Bessie the Cow, 96!

Yo' momma's so fat, she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse!

Yo' momma's so fat, she's 36-24-36...but that's her forearm, neck, and thigh!

Yo' momma's so fat, she's got Amtrak tattooed on her leg!

Yo' momma's so fat, she's got a zit on her butt that's known as Mt. St. Helen!

Yo' momma's so fat, she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!

Yo' momma's so fat, she's got shock absorbers on her toilet seat!

Yo' momma's so fat, she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her!

Yo' momma's so fat, she's half Indian, half Irish, and half French!

Yo' momma's so fat, she's taller lying down!

Yo' momma's so fat, the Himalayas are practice runs to prepare for her!

Yo' momma's so fat, the Himalayas are practices runs to prepare for her!

Yo' momma's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs!

Yo' momma's so fat, the highway patrol made her wear a sign that said, "Caution! Wide Turn!"

Yo' momma's so fat, the last time she saw 90210, it was on a scale!

Yo' momma's so fat, the local police hired her to be a roadblock!

Yo' momma's so fat, the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures!

Yo momma Nuff Said

 


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